Having a new sexual partner can be stressful just by itself, let alone telling them that you would like to do something more than a regular missionary. When some people hear the word “kink,” they automatically think about extreme BDSM or some rare, unusual behaviors. However, a kink refers to any sexual activity that is considered to be outside of traditional sex.
Many most popular kinks include simple role-playing, dirty talking, virtual sex, hentai sex dolls, uniforms, etc. Studies show that almost 75% of all people have at least one fetish. Nevertheless, sharing those preferences with a new partner can be difficult. Continue reading and find out how to make this conversation as comfortable as you can.
When to Tell Your Partner About Your Kinks
It is recommended that you talk to your new partner about sex and kinks as early as possible. Some people even recommend doing this before you start dating to reduce the risk of them rejecting you before things even start.
If you are going to date someone for a long time, it is better to tell them about your kinks during the first few months of the relationship. There are several reasons why you should do it as soon as possible:
- You want to avoid awkwardness later on. If you wait until after the first few months, it will become harder to bring up the subject, and your partner may feel awkward about it. You want to know what they are into and vice versa. Although it may seem like a good idea to hide your kinks initially, you and your partner should be aware of each other’s needs before getting serious.
- You have already seen each other naked. This can make it easier for you to talk about the intimate stuff later on. Your partner has already seen you in your most vulnerable state, so nothing is left to hide. It can help make the conversation easier. If you talk about it during the first few weeks, talking about it again will feel less uncomfortable because you are already used to talking about your kinks with your partner.
How to Tell Your Partner About Your Kinks
Now that we’ve covered when you should talk about your kinks let’s get to the actual conversation! The truth is that talking about your kinks with your partner is not as easy as it seems. That’s why it is crucial to prepare yourself before the actual talk.
Prepare Yourself
To be calm and confident enough to talk about your kinks, you need to prepare yourself first. Tell yourself that it’s okay if your partner doesn’t like or want any of those things. Remember that even if your partner doesn’t like or agree with you having a kink, they shouldn’t judge you for it. Keep in mind that this conversation has nothing to do with their feelings towards you – it is just a discussion about sexual preferences.
Prepare Your Partner
Before telling your partner about your kinks, you need to make sure they are prepared for it as well. Even if they said they were okay with something during the initial stages of dating, hearing about it for real can be different. That’s why it is essential to discuss this subject beforehand. Let them know how important it is for you. You can also ask them what their limits are to respect them and their choices.
Have a Safe Word
The most important thing when talking about kinks is trust. If you want your partner to listen and understand your desires and limits, they need to trust you completely. That’s why it is vital to have a safe word with your partner. It’s best if you choose a common word that neither of you is familiar with but would know if they hear it (e.g., “banana”). This way, even if one of you starts panicking or feeling uncomfortable during a play session, the other will stop immediately and check if you are okay without having too much context.
How to Explain You Have Kinks?
Explaining you have kinks and what kind can be tough for some people. That’s why it is important to find the right words and make sure that both of you are in a relaxed atmosphere where you can talk openly about anything without any pressure or discomfort.
Here are some tips on how to tell your new partner about your kinks:
- Make sure that both of you are sober (alcohol does not help with discussing such sensitive topics);
- Find a quiet place where nobody will interrupt you and where you can speak freely without worrying about what others think about what you say;
- Start by explaining what BDSM means so there won’t be any confusion later;
- Make sure that they understand the basics of BDSM before saying anything else;
- Talk about some of your fantasies first, and then tell them about your biggest kink next;
- Be specific when talking about each fantasy or kink;
- Be open and honest while talking, but try not to go into too much detail, which may scare them off;
- Do not judge them if they say no. Instead, ask them why they wouldn’t want anything like this and try finding something else that works for both of you.
Final Note
Many people are afraid to talk about their kinks and sexual preferences. They find it embarrassing or aren’t sure how their partner would react if they told them about their fantasies. It is a huge mistake, though.
First of all, when in a relationship, you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about anything. Secondly, having a kink is not an embarrassing thing. In fact, it’s quite common. And finally, not telling your partner about your fantasies may lead to a less satisfying sex life, which can ruin your relationship.
That’s why it’s time to let your partner know you want your sex to look slightly different. Just follow our tips on how to talk to them, and you’ll be fine.
